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Saturday, 31 May 2014

Lately

I don't think I could sugar coat the past month even if I tried, it has been a rough one! A good solid year of not sleeping finally all came crashing down around our ears.  Everybody was snapping and snarling, there were plenty of tears (mainly mine), there were fantasies about stealing off into the night to go and find a hotel, unplug the phone and hang a DO NOT DISTURB sign on the door just to get a few hours of shut eye.  Now that we're creeping out at the other end I realise that things had to come to a head in order for us to make some changes.  I learned that when it comes to parenthood it pays to be flexible and not have too many die hard ideas about the way things are going to be.  My house will never be tidy, dinner doesn't have to be a lavish affair, no I don't have to go back to work just yet even though everybody else is, Ayana actually prefers sleeping in her own room rather than beside her insomniac mother and yes I had always imagined that I would be breastfeeding until she is at least 2 years old but my body is exhausted and crying out for a break.  All these things are alright!  None of them make me a bad person or put my family in harms way, if anything the harm is coming from ignoring what feels right.  As always the key seems to be going with the flow... something that goes against all my virgo instincts.  Live and learn though eh!
There have been good times too though of course.  We've made an effort to go on some adventures, we've watched Ayana turn into the most incredibly little human (by god I love that kid!), there have been laughs, good food has been eaten, and more concrete travel plans discussed.
So we're definitely happy to see the tail end of May and welcome June with open arms!
xx

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