Friday, 16 May 2014
From the moment my slippery, sweet little daughter was placed into my arms my heart began to pound at triple the speed. My anxiety levels went through the roof, although exhausted I couldn't sleep and I stressed about the smallest of details. I think looking back I was terrified. Once I was back on my feet I fretted over the house not being clean enough, the garden looking overgrown, dinner not being up to scratch. All this with a crying baby on my arm that never wanted to be put down. Of course I was in a constant state of tears.
"Be kind to yourself", my mum kept saying to me gently.
That's easy for her to say, I thought. She's nothing short of bloody superwoman!
Anyway over a year on and I think I have only just started to relax. Only just realised that the only thing that matters at this time in my life is that I'm the best mother I can be, and sometimes that means saying to hell with the housework, the cooking, the washing... today I'm going to chase seagulls down at the beach with my little girl, we'll have an omelette for dinner and maybe our clean socks just won't be a matching pair tomorrow. I feel like for the first time in a year I am taking a breath, I'm stopping to enjoy and simply observe this amazing person we created. And do you know what? The house isn't actually messier than it was before and nobody's complaining that dinners a little overcooked.
Life is funny the way it's always testing and pushing us, but in the end the rewards usually far outweigh the struggles.